Sometimes, we're skeptical of this whole Jesus thing. Isn't it kind of a crutch? We can do life ourselves.
We've been there. Sometimes we still are today.
But then we hear another story like these. And our soul catches it's breath.
Maybe, there's more to this Jesus story than we thought.
I come from a place of definition - having the answer for everything and it was God’s answer. Problem is I didn’t have all the answers and I didn’t know what God's answers were to everything.
I tried to force the answer from the Bible, this hurt me and others. I was taught to not question because that is weak faith and we want to have faith that moves a mountain. I am in a place of knowing I don’t know it all. This is scary and exciting all at once!
God is not done with me yet. I still have more to learn. More to grow. I just need to keep my heart open and eyes forward to where He is taking me. It's time to take a different path, time to step out of that comfort zone.
A lot of it was from Christians saying God hates me. I no longer enjoyed going to church, or enjoyed the constant judgment I felt for many things. And I was angry at God. Why did he put something in his word that people used against me? Then I started going to this church. People accepted me, especially the older folks, which meant a lot. I hope without the distractions of worrying if I’ll be accepted here, and by people in general, I can focus on finding God again.
It’s funny how you can fight against something and then in one second God can open your eyes to the truth. Honestly, it kind of blew me away. I always saw baptism as something you did when you dedicated your life to Christ, ready to take Him as your Lord and savior. And it is, truly. I envisioned that time being at the end of my journey, when I had learned everything that I needed to know to follow Christ. Three weeks ago it hit me that I was wrong.
Baptism is not an end to a journey, nor is it the beginning. Baptism is my renewal, the moment that you say yes God. Yes, I will lay down the sins of my past. Yes, I will pick up my cross and I will follow you. Yes, I need you as my Lord and savior. Yes, I will follow you. I may not know the who, what, where, when, why, or how, but I am willing to trust you to show me the way. Simply, yes God I am yours.
While attending the Global Leadership Summit, I heard wonderful powerful leaders speak. There were a couple, specifically Danielle Strickland, John C. Maxwell and Bill Hybels who seemed to be speaking directly to me. I kept hearing them tell me God wanted me to get moving. He wanted me to get involved. Doug and I went home for lunch both days and on the last day I specifically remember telling him I didn't feel like I deserved to be accepted at church. I wasn't good enough. Danielle Strickland spoke after lunch. She mentioned something about not feeling good enough. I swear I couldn't breathe for a moment. Again, someone was doing the talking but it was really God. While writing this I went back to the notes I wrote after her speech and found this, "I've not been satisfied with anything but good is coming. God is opening my heart even with I didn't deserve it to be opened and now God is opening doors. I only have to walk with God. I hear God shouting!"